Nothing out of the ordinary has happened today – yet. The weather outside s#&@s! It’s rainy, cold and gray. I am sitting at my desk working. So nothing extraordinary about today.
BUT, today is a good day because I AM SOBER.
I drank for 28 years of my life. I started drinking and smoking dope when I was 14 years old. When it was rainy, sunny; when I was happy, sad, angry, frustrated, etc. I drank for any and all reasons out there. Even when I didn’t want to drink I DRANK.
I had my suspicions about my drinking for a long time. I remember being in my twenties and experiencing blackouts. But I knew enough about alcoholism at that time to be dangerous. One of my solutions was to surround myself with people who drank more than I did. My alcohol problem became smaller in my eyes. And I was not one of them.
I couldn’t NOT drink. My mind told me to drink – every day. And once I started, two drinks, three drinks were not enough. Most every time I drank I blacked out. And had been doing so for years. And of course, I didn’t tell anyone. I was ashamed, scared, embarrassed. I was horrified by what was going on. But I didn’t know how to stop or even if I wanted to. I knew how to live drunk. And the idea of becoming sober never really formulated in my head.
I got up every morning, took a shower, dressed up and went to work. Put in all of my hours, paid all of my bills, and kept all my commitments. And came home every night and drank. And never admitted how out of control I was.
Strangely enough, it was my Mom’s long-distance nagging that kept me aware of something that I couldn’t control or couldn’t hide anymore. Every time I saw her, every time I called her after drinking or while drinking she always commented or nagged about my drinking.
I do believe that is one of the reasons I got sober. Because she never let up. And finally, I listened and got help. I GOT SOBER.
And today is a good day.